Not a fucking regret


There is no clearer moment
Than the moment I have a gun in my mouth,
With my finger resting on the trigger.
That very moment between life
And death,
When I'm not certain if I'm gonna off myself,
Or somebody will knock the door open scaring the shit out of me
And the brains out of my head,
Just fucking gone.
Into oblivion.

But right there,
That very moment between life
And death,
It brings certain clarity that I cannot describe.
I get a semi erection
While staring into death's hollow big eyes.

Maybe,
That's why I search for troubles,
Thats why I close my eyes when I drive.
Maybe,
That's the reason why I wink at her
When she's clearly so fucking bored by her boyfriend's shit lies.

Don't fucking judge me,
Don't patronize.
Looking at me with those judgy, big eyes,
You had more compassion for those junkies with knifes,
Until they stole all your shit
What a fucking surprise...

See, I dance the tango with death,
And when she's not choking the life out of me
We're passionate lovers.
At least until one of us trips
And does a fatal mistake
Then, it will be all over.